My thoughts my poetry
by selemi
Summary: Five poems written in the POV of the characters. Let me Go by Gemma; Invisible by Ann; My Destiny, My Choice by Kartik; My Wishes by Pippa; and Different by Felicity. They are in various forms and true to canon.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Gemma Doyle Trilogy.

A/N: These are five poems I wrote in the POV of five characters. It is relevant to the series as a whole.

* * *

Let Me Go by Gemma Doyle

Let me go, I want nothing to do with you  
I'm more than an entrance to the Realms, I'm not a tool  
So go tell your Rakshana that they have no control over me

"Kartik, I don't even think of you as Indian"  
I didn't mean that! I've insulted him, he's leaving  
"Don't you want the cricket bat?" The one I gifted him.  
"Such an English game, good-bye, Miss Doyle"

He's gone and I shall never see him  
But he's always with me, in my mind,  
I'm never truly alone, he's always there

Get out of my head, leave me alone!

Not you, it can't be you, it has to be Simon  
Heart, beat for Simon alone; no not Kartik, no not him

It's improper, I can't love him, not him  
He's an Indian and I British  
It'll ruin me, I'll be shunned, a disgrace

I see him again  
The old trust is gone  
It's better this way, he could never be the one.

Invisible by Ann Bradshaw

Never seen and never heard,  
and untouchable in this cruel world  
Not a penny to my pathetic name  
Destiny of a governess, a disgrace a shame

In a society of men and rich girls  
I am here to serve and adorn them with pearls

The magic of Gemma's our fun and sport,  
is used by Felcity and me of another sort  
A masquerade ball? No, just a masquerade  
A new name, clothes, and I become Nan Washbrad  
The jig is up! The trick is over. I am found  
I go back to Ann Bradshaw and make no sound

Cecily and the others, my worst nightmare  
Reminding me of my future, life is so cruel, its all unfair  
Felicity and Gemma look upon this with disdain  
They tell me to fight for myself, hypocrites, they never feel pain

The pain they inflict is too much to bear  
I do it to myself, the scars are still there  
My friends don't understand, they never will  
Because they hold the power in this cruel world

I wish to be Nan Washbrad, a Russian heiress  
but then Cecily reminds me: my fate is a governess

My Destiny, My Choice by Kartik

"Don't forget your task, novitiate."  
Pledged my soul and life to them as Amar  
And look where that got him, got me  
I must kill Gemma. Please, not Gemma

Not fair Gemma, the red-headed temptress  
Not stubborn Gemma, who causes sweet distress  
Not beautiful Gemma, the one whom I love

You cannot change your caste, or your fate  
That is why I must fulfill this task filled with hate.  
A man's misfortune is that he cannot accept his fate

Watching Gemma, warning her  
Will she notice my hints?  
Perhaps hide in the realms, avoid me?  
I cannot be the end of her, Amar, I cannot

If I fail this task, I am a disgrace  
Shunned and rejected as a brother  
of the ever powerful Rakshana  
There is only one thing to do

It must be done  
no matter the consequences  
I cannot fail the Rakshana  
They are my only family

You cannot go against fate  
"That means there is no hope of a better life. A trap."  
Is it truly a relief to follow the path laid out for you?

I fail my task and sad to say  
I am not ashamed it ended this way  
In fact, I am relieved, My dear Gemma is still alive  
But Rakshana, I cannot become

"It seems you've changed your destiny after all"  
Unless it was my fate to do so

My Wishes by Pippa

I wish I wasn't poor, to be as rich as Fee  
To be in tasteful gowns, sipping English tea

I wish my friends were with me now  
I will find someone in this Realm, somehow

I wish I wasn't so pretty  
Or expected to marry

I wish I wouldn't have to marry  
a man as old as my father, with rude company

I wish for control over my own short life  
Not to be an obedient dull wife

I wish someone loves me  
and not just my beauty

I wish I ate the berry sooner  
That trapped me in eternal paradise forever

Different

I brought it out in him, he said so  
A child in the bedroom  
praying her father doesn't come in  
to "sprinkle the sparkles"

Alone with him, no one heard my cries  
My mother never listened to my pleas  
What was the word of child  
to that of an admiral?

Then one day, I was deemed to old  
And cast aside, like a toy forgotten  
And I fear, will I ever be wanted?  
Will I ever be loved?

Then he came, the gypsy  
Who hummed and praised my beauty  
He'd wait for me patiently  
And kiss me very affectionately

But I could never love him  
No gypsies, no admirals for me  
My love is for only those worthy

Pippa my love, the beauty of the night  
the dark-haired damsel and I her knight  
Dancing the waltz at Spence School  
To the Realms where I played the fool

No one can know, my terrible secret  
Even now, I shudder to admit it  
As I kiss the hair of Pippa's black ringlets  
I am and will always be a degenerate


End file.
